Looks like your wife finally found the perfect gag for your potty mouth, but hopefully no, this is the GoateeSaver, an easily adjustable goatee shaving template that will revolutionize the way you shave and trim your goatee.
The GoateeSaver will easily adapt to your face and comes with a mouthpiece for biting on, thus keeping it steadily against your face. So there's a little bit of gag going on, but on the other hand you will end up with a quick and perfectly shaped goatee, every day.
Louis CK approved.